Recent photos of Tonya (Everybody Hates Chris)

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Remember that cute kinda troublesome young girl named Tonya in the series by Chris Rock “Everybody Hates Chris”? Here’s a pic to jog your memory.

Well all I can say is that she is now a certified hottie….see for your self

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Posted from a gited mind

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End time revelation


I had the weirdest dream about the end of the world last night! Infact so vivid was this dream, I think itz a revelation of things to come!
Contrary to what people believe, the world won’t end by fiery storm, or one massive volcanic eruption or earthquake, or as I used to say, “the sea would come to us”! No…itz gonna end by something much worse *dramatic pause* SHARKS! And not just your average limb tearing, skull cracking, eat your kidney, leaving you blooded-salt water sharks…I’m talking monstrous limb tearing, skull cracking, eat your kidney, leaving you blooded-LAND SHARKS! Yes you heard right the sharks are learning to walk!
There are over a 100 species of land sharks (so I was told) but after seeing just a few, I was so scared that I wet my pants! Later, I woke up and found out that I had wet my bed too! I flipped it over tho…and went back to sleep like a boss! I wonda if anyone wud find out what I did—-back to land sharks!

#1. Bear-Shark

This is one of the weirdest predators ever! It lives in really creepy forests, it can put you in a coma by just staring at you and it covers its victims with honey before eating them.

#2. Uni-Shark

This looks like a cross between a cute magical unicorn and an extremely deranged blood thirsty shark! So itz probably gonna be able to fly and have magical powers and eat kids…deadly combo if you ask me!

#3. Fruity-Shark

This type of sharks grow on trees and disguise themselves as ripe juicy fruits. They turn murderous when you touch them. But they are otherwise safe….I think!

#4. Poodle-Shark

This specie was created to wipe out “cute unevenly distributed fur kind of dogs-loving people”. It essentially looks like a poodle with a bad case of rabies….or “shabies” since itz a shark!

#5. Spider-Shark

Your not so friendly neighbor “spider-shark”. As if spiderman wasn’t evil enough!

#6. Danfo-Shark

This land shark has two heads, 100 times the strength of Mark Henry and looks like those two-danfo-drivers-turned-musicians called DANFO DRIVERS! I wonder if it can drive danfo and sing at the same time!

#7. Sloth-Sharks

This is the slowest of the land sharks and would probably kill you only if u’re Shino Rambo or in a coma! Still itz a predator so stay clear!

#8. Chicken-Shark

This does exactly what you think it does! It eats people who eat chicken!

#9. Lawyers

Deadliest land sharks ever

Maybe when I dream today, I would find out the best defensive strategies against land sharks but until then, stay info-tained.
PS: subscribe to my RSS feed so you can get the latest blog posts via email. The button should be somewhere at the top of this page…or you can just click your options button now (if u’re on blackberry) and select “subscribe to feed”.

Posted from a gited mind

Best relationship tips ever


Being in a relationship…esp a long one can be pretty suffocating at times! You feel like there’s this invisible noose that keeps getting tighter around your neck! And there’s this big mass of tangled emotions that overwhelm you and your brain can’t explain your feelings to even yourself!

Well these tips are unorthodox but they would surely light a fire in your relationship and drive boredom away. Letz face it boredom is the biggest threat in relationships

A big problem in many relationships is that women feel like they have to do all the boring chores and the men just get to hang out with their friends, watch football games and talk about politics. The truth is that chores are lame and there is rarely anything fun about them. Make your lady feel special by helping her with the daily housework…it wud be fun!

Dress up as a ninja, sneak up on her while she’s working and have an epic battle! Hide in the closet and ambush her playfully when she gets out of the shower. Does she need to fold laundry? Not before deflecting a crane kick to the face! Don’t be afraid to be a lil rough…being all sweet kisses and roses all the time gets boring after a while!

Another way to make her everyday life more exciting is to dress up as a large predator and stalk her throughout the day. Women love surprises!

The only thing women love more than surprises is feeling special.  Show the world that you are proud of your lady by wearing colors that scream “HEY LOOK AT ME”, making loud noises and laughing when you’re walking in public with her. She will be reassured that you do not mind calling attention to her and will greatly appreciate the gesture. 

Give her random and surprise gifts-a new perfume, women love chocolate and even a bar of snickers can go a long way in saying “you are my sweetheart”, sometimes even a good old love letter in a fancy envelope would suffice!

On that note, when trying to impress a woman, it is often helpful to call upon her ancient instincts. To show that you are a strong provider, sometimes it is necessary to kill things.  Contrary to popular belief, this is real reason why women like flowers.  

Although she may not know it or openly acknowledge it, watching you use your powerful muscles to slay a living thing stimulates an ancient part of her brain associated with admiration and affection.  She may appear to be horrified by your actions, but underneath that, there’s a deep and growing respect for you.  After all, it takes a lot more effort to kill an animal than it does to kill a stupid flower;  Flowers don’t run away and bleed all over the place while you’re trying to kill them.  

One more way to appeal to your lady’s inborn desires is to light things on fire.  Back in cave man days, fire was more popular than Justin Bieber. Being able to start a fire would have been the modern day equivalent of having a private jet and a castle.  It is a scientific fact that women love fire.  It’s in their genes.  

There are really very few problems that fire cannot resolve.  

And finally, women would always annoy you at one point! Itz in their DNA…so if you ever get into an argument, imagine that your partner is a baby animal with three legs and terminal brain cancer or something more creative.

Remember to take your veggies!

Posted from a gited mind

The rage spiral


Have you ever woken up to a day so riddled with bad luck and depression that you wish you could just click “NEXT” on a remote control somewhere and fast forward to a new day?

The buildup:
Usually, they are merely the accumulation of many past unresolved grievances and that final drop of annoyance is what jump starts the downward spiral of an otherwise joyful day.

Your day begins poorly.

Before you’ve had a chance to recover from your unpleasant awakening, you are plagued by a series of unfortunate events.  There are probably some loud and re-occurring sounds mixed in there, too. 

The little frustrations start to happen more quickly now.

Soon enough, the sum of the small annoyances begins to exceed your capacity for tolerance and rational thought.  All it would take to send you over the edge into a bottomless pit of angry hysteria is just one more tiny, little thing…

The turning point:

The turning point is usually a minor but slightly bitter incident, started by some force of nature that cannot be blamed or scolded – like gravity or rain or wind.  That last specification is very important.  In order to send you into truly dogpile crazy hysterics, the final straw must cause anger that cannot rationally be directed outward in any way.

Your worn patience plus the inability to blame anything for your misery causes a chain reaction to take place inside of you.

The rage enters your body, but cannot exit through either the blame or personal responsibility pathways. It therefore must travel to the very center of you where it will fester and eventually rupture.  

Chaos:

When enough anger and hatred has accumulated inside of you, it will rupture through your pathetic sense of integrity and start spewing outwardly as if you are some sort of rage god, blessing anything that comes near you with pure hate and rage combined.   

You are officially out of control.   At this late stage, there is no way around it.  You are simply a helpless passenger in your psychotic war-machine of a body.   

…till you roll a spliff!

Posted from a gited mind

7 games you can play with a brick


When I was a kid, me and my friends had lots of fun inventing games from practically anything! Be it rocks, paper, sticks, etc. It saddens my heart that children of these days are not as creative. Here are some really cool games to play with BRICKS!!! You could invent yours.

1.  “Brick Tag”

The rules of brick tag are simple:  if you get hit by the brick, you’re “it.”

2. “Brick Roulette”

Have your friends stand in a circle around you.  Put on a blindfold.  Spin around as fast as you can while holding the brick with your arm fully extended to build up maximum force….then let go.  

3. “Jump Over the Brick”

Put the brick on the ground.  Jump over it.  See how high you can jump.  

4. “Truth or Brick”

Tell the truth or get the brick.

5. “Drop the Brick”

Find something high. Climb on top of it. Drop the brick.

6. “Brick Conquerers”

Fuck the brick up.  Hit it with a stick, stab it with a sword, set it on fire – the goal is to inflict maximal harm on the brick. 

7. “Duck, Duck, Brick”

Posted from a gited mind

Young forever


I woke up the oda day to the realization that I was getting older…and fast! I made up my mind to pull my pants up and start behaving more and more like an adult. This meant re-arranging my priorities….so I set to work!

The first day or two of my plans actually went okay.

For a little while, I actually felt grown-up and responsible.  I strutted around with my head held high, looking the other responsible people in the eye with that knowing glance that says “I understand.  I’m responsible now too.  Just look my pants are on my waist”

At some point, I started feeling accomplished.
This was the mistake!

It was like I thought that adulthood is something that could be earned like a trophy in one monumental burst of effort and then admired and coveted for the rest of one’s life.

What happens is that I get bored with all the repetitive adult stuff and completely wear myself out. I start to yearn for the carefree days, the times when I could stock up on junk food and not think about turning on the gas, when I could see dirty clothes on the floor and walk past like it was no business of mine!

I continue doing all my chores tho…but more and more begrudgingly as I contemplate the seemingly endless tasks ahead of me. 

And then I rebel!!!

This new acquired falseness isn’t me! I like living the carefree way, I like staying in bed for 30 lazy minutes after I wake up, I like sagging my pants real low, I like eating a lot of junk without having to worry about my sugar or cholesterol level, I like flirting with girls without the prospect of marriage coming up, I like being young, wild and free.
Call it laziness, call it what you will but I’m just being young
And I want to be YOUNG….

Posted from a gited mind

Animal conspiracy


Have you ever noticed how enthusiastic animals are about morning?  They wake up and start running around making noise for no reason. They’re all like “Holy crap! Itz a good day to be a fucking animal. I’m going to be so loud about it!!!!”

I recently went to visit my aunt in Igarra and I had this disturbing experience with some animals! Here’s a sketch of me, my aunt’s house and the bird that started it all!

That night I was up watching movies so I went to bed really late….by 4:00AM and the bird wakes up three hours later and starts making sounds like a retarded alarm clock because it’s so excited to be a bird.

The bird wakes up every other animal in the world and then all the animals are like “Yaaaaaayyyy!  We’re animals and it’s morning!” 

It was completely unnecessary.
I even tried to yell at them to get them to be quiet, but they’re animals so they didn’t listen at all.  

I just ended up lying in my bed getting madder and madder at them until I was not even sleepy anymore and then I got up and made tea and tried to remember to go to the store to buy earplugs later. But that didn’t happen because I started tweeting or something and I forgot and pretty soon it was nighttime and I’m like “Shit! I didn’t go to the store!” and I went to bed secretly hoping that maybe all the animals would get mad cow disease and suddenly die overnight and they won’t feel the need to tell the world about how excited they are, but no. The moment one fraction of a ray of sunshine appeared, the bird is wide awake and ready to party.

Posted from a gited mind